Getting Up Off the Mat....

God has always been so good to me! My life, whether in childhood, marriage #1, or now, has never been easy really, but is anyone's? I do not believe life is ever easy all of the time, but still, I can see where God has always been with me. He has not only been with me, but has always given me what I needed, and I am very thankful! Harder times have been where the most growing and learning has occurred, but who does not love those simpler, more peaceful seasons?

It is so hard to believe I am 54! How can my mother be 90??? She should be 54, and I should still be in my 20's or 30's! Time seems to fly be quicker every single year! My eldest son will be 32 years old in just 6 days! Wasn't he just an infant in my arms, or at least a 6 year old and I was crying as he left for kindergarten? And my Seth is now 29! Wasn't it yesterday I watched him follow his father around with a play pipe in his mouth as he pretended to be Charles Ingalls??? And lastly, my youngest, Evan, was my gift one month before turning 40. What happened to my tiny one pound premie who was my last baby? When exactly did he give up the Blues Clues, Rescue Heros, and doctor set, for Wii, Skillet music, and a guitar? Life flees.

At this time of my life, God has brought me to a place of knowing who and what is important. I am so thankful for life, and all I have experienced! I have a few regrets, but choose to focus on what I learned from those mistakes, and to grasp onto a carpe diem life! Hospice nursing taught me to try to remember what counts in life, and what doesn't. I can only learn from the past, try to live in the moment, and trust the future to God, who has NEVER left me. He will be in my (our) tomorrows! I was blessed as a nurse to be present when babies took their first breath. I was just as equally blessed to hold the hand of some taking their last breath on this earth. Those private times for the families involved was an honor to be a part of, and I have never really been the same since. Life is precious, and so temporary!

All of this is not depressing to me, and IF anyone should ever read this, I hope it is not for you as well. At 54, I want to really savor each moment I have! Realistically, this will not be the norm, but it is my goal! I wish to love, forgive, celebrate, serve, and break free from any bondage's left in my life. I cannot do that on my own. However, truly, with God ALL things ARE possible! Years ago and going thru an ugly divorce, I attended an Emmaus Walk...a Christian weekend. I was living in shame, guilt, and despair, for the most part. On that weekend, someone spoke on the scripture about a man laying for many years on a mat, waiting to be healed. He was asked if he REALLY wanted to be healed. He was told to stand up, pick up his mat, and walk! I knew 16 years ago, with God's help, I wanted to walk. It has taken me years to let go of the junk and walk, but in recent years, He has helped me to run! His grace and love is unfathomable!

OK....so all of this to say what? Life IS good despite the junk that goes with it at times. I want to celebrate who I am in Him, and live to the fullest! I wish to give back for all that He has given to me. But in the last 14 years, I have not taken care of myself physically at all. I so believe in holistic health, but I have been lazy, a glutton, and have ignored caring for this body that I have been given. I have cried and whined for years about my failure in this area, and continued to just lay on the mat, waiting for God to come along and "fix" it for me. I have not REALLY wanted to "get well'! No more! Today, I am beginning to stand! I will stand. I will roll up my mat. I will walk. God, we're off on this year adventure!!!!!!